ANGRY
Essential Tips for Navigating Your Anger
Identify where you are in the anger cycle
Playing Defense: If we aren’t able to tolerate the experience of anger and work through it, we often try to protect ourselves by using defense mechanisms to avoid it. This might look like substance abuse, overeating or undereating, depression, or ruminating. It could also involve externalizing our anger by storming out of a room, canceling someone, or even punching a wall.—> If you are here you need to pause take a deep breath and ask what are the core emotions beneath this? What emotions are driving this action? Tune into the physical sensations in your body to help you identify your emotion.
Being Protective: These emotions—like shame, anxiety, and guilt—act as barriers, protecting us and others from our anger by blocking core emotions. This can happen for two reasons:
When our core emotions conflict with what pleases those we rely on, like parents, peers, and partners.
When core emotions become so intense our brain tries to shut them down to protect us from emotional overwhelm.
—> If you are here you need to pause take a deep breath and ask what are the core emotions beneath this? Tune into the physical sensations in your body to help you identify your emotions.
Tapping into Core Anger: Core Anger is a response to a perceived violation. This is why threats of physical violence, character assaults, and feeling wronged can evoke it.
—> You know you are experiencing core anger directly when you can name it, validate it, sense it in the body, know who it is directed toward, and start to recognize the impulse.
Use the Change Triangle Tool to help you uncover your core emotions
Notice how anger shows up in your body. Identify where it arises—maybe your temperature rises, tension builds in your core, or you feel the urge to scream or kick. Next time you’re angry, try slowly scanning your body from head to toe, observing any sensations that come up. Use techniques that slow down your nervous system, like grounding and mindful breathing, to help calm both your mind and body, so you can think clearly.
Process and move through your anger by journaling, visualization, or engaging in movement. These emotional regulation techniques will help you gain insights into the messages your anger is trying to convey and identify the action steps that will help you move forward.
Journal Prompts for when you’re feeling angry…
Journaling when you’re feeling angry is a great way to transform intense feelings into understanding. It gives you the space to express your thoughts, dig into what’s really triggering your anger, and discover actionable steps to move forward, helping you turn frustration into insight and empowerment.
Where do you feel this feeling in your body? How does it show up physically for you?
What specific situation or person led to this feeling?
Spend 5 minutes free writing without judgment about your feelings and/or an emotionally charged episode.
Get it out! Write a letter to the person/circumstance that’s angering you - but dont send it. Just allow yourself to release and move through the feelings.
Are there any memories attached to this feeling or situation? Is this situation similar to something that has happened in your childhood? How did it feel?
What does letting go of anger look like? What would it mean to you? What would best help you let go at this very moment?
What happens when you hold in or onto your anger? How does it make you feel mentally and physically?
What needs or values are being threatened or fulfilled by this emotion? Explore the deeper needs, desires, or values that may be underlying the emotion you are experiencing.
How does this emotion align with your values and goals? Consider whether these emotions are in alignment with who you want to be and the goals you have set for yourself.
What actions or steps could I take that would help me feel more at peace right now?
What triggered my anger, and what underlying needs or boundaries may have been crossed?
Was there ever a time when you released your anger in a way that harmed the situation? What about a time when you released your anger in a way that helped the situation?
How do you speak to yourself when you’re angry with yourself? Does it differ from how you speak to yourself when you’re angry with other people?
Have you ever been ashamed or embarrassed of feeling angry? What was the situation, and were you the one who made yourself feel ashamed, or was it other people? (Could be both)
What advice would you give a friend or family member who is struggling with the same anger issues?
For professional success …
Channel Your Anger into Focused Action: When you harness anger as a source of motivation, it can propel you toward action. Instead of letting anger distract or derail you, channeling it into productive tasks can lead to significant progress and achievement in your professional life.
How to Implement:
Acknowledge Your Anger: Take a moment to identify what’s causing your anger. Recognizing the emotion is the first step in controlling it.
Set a Specific Goal: Transform that energy into a clear, actionable goal. Ask yourself what you can accomplish in the next hour or day that aligns with your professional objectives.
Take Action: Use your anger to fuel focused work. Whether it’s tackling a challenging project, making that difficult phone call, or brainstorming solutions, let the intensity of your feelings drive you forward.
Example: Imagine you’re frustrated about a colleague missing a deadline, putting your project at risk. Instead of letting that anger fester, channel it into action.
1. Acknowledge Your Anger: Recognize that your frustration is valid and take a moment to breathe.
2. Set a Specific Goal: Decide to address the issue by bringing the team together to realign responsibilities.
3. Take Action:
Call a Team Meeting: Schedule a discussion to address the project’s status.
Express Your Feelings: Share your frustration constructively, like saying, “I felt overwhelmed when the deadline was missed, and I want us to align moving forward.”
Collaborate on Solutions: Encourage team members to share their perspectives and brainstorm ways to prevent similar issues in the future.
By transforming your anger into proactive measures, you address the issue and strengthen your team's dynamics, enhancing overall productivity.
To fuel personal growth and success …
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique helps manage anger by redirecting your focus away from overwhelming emotions and into the present moment, promoting mindfulness. Engaging your senses calms the nervous system, counteracting the fight-or-flight response and fostering a sense of safety. This practice encourages clarity and thoughtful responses, reducing impulsive reactions to anger. Here’s how to implement it:
Find a Comfortable Position: Sit or stand in a quiet place where you can focus without distractions.
Take a Deep Breath: Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale through your mouth for a count of four. Repeat this a few times to center yourself.
Engage Your Senses:
5 Things You Can See: Look around you and identify five things you can see. It could be the color of the walls, a picture, or a shadow on the floor.
4 Things You Can Touch: Notice four things you can physically touch. This might be the texture of your clothing, the chair you’re sitting in, or the ground beneath your feet.
3 Things You Can Hear: Listen for three sounds. This could be the ticking of a clock, the sound of traffic outside, or birds chirping.
2 Things You Can Smell: Identify two scents in your environment. If you can't smell anything at the moment, think of your two favorite scents, like fresh coffee or a favorite perfume.
1 Thing You Can Taste: Focus on one thing you can taste. This could be the aftertaste of a meal, a mint in your mouth, or simply the air around you.
Reflect and Release: After going through the senses, take another deep breath. Reflect on how you feel now compared to when you started the exercise. Acknowledge any shifts in your emotional state and allow yourself to release some of that anger.
Movement: Engaging in physical activity is a powerful way to release the tension and stress that often come with anger. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins—natural mood boosters that can lift your spirits and help ease the physiological symptoms of anger, like a racing heart and tight muscles. This outlet not only helps you channel that negative energy into something positive, but it also fosters a sense of empowerment and control over your emotions.
Express Your Feelings Creatively: Engaging in creative expression can be a powerful outlet for anger. It allows you to process your emotions and channel them into something meaningful, fostering personal growth and self-discovery. Learn more about the benefits of creative expression here
How to Implement:
Choose Your Medium: Decide how you want to express your anger—through writing, art, music
Create Without Judgment: Set a timer for 15-30 minutes and immerse yourself in the creative process. Focus solely on expressing your anger without worrying about the outcome or perfection.
Reflect: After you finish, take a moment to reflect on how you feel. Notice any shifts in your emotions and how the act of creation has transformed your anger into something positive.
Breathing Exercises…
Implementing Deep Breathing for Managing Anger: Deep breathing is an accessible and powerful way to regulate anger and stay in control during intense moments.
When you’re angry, the body’s fight-or-flight response is triggered, leading to faster, shallow breathing. This shallow breathing reinforces feelings of stress and agitation. Deep breathing reverses this process by activating the body’s relaxation response, specifically the parasympathetic nervous system. It slows the heart rate, reduces blood pressure, and quiets mental chatter. Physically, it brings more oxygen to the brain, helping you think clearly and stay composed. Here’s how to practice:
Find a Quiet Space: If possible, step away to a quieter place where you won’t be disturbed.
Sit Comfortably and Close Your Eyes: Sit with your back straight to allow better airflow, and close your eyes to reduce distractions.
Focus on Your Breath: Place one hand on your stomach to help you feel each breath, focusing on the rise and fall.
Repeat Consistently: Continue for at least 4 rounds or until you notice a sense of calm returning.
Explore more Mindful Breathing techniques to reduce the intensity of an emotion and regain a sense of control and calm HERE.